Talking About Sex
Earlier this week some of the folks from Front Porch headed out to do trivia night at a local bar. Before we went, the host contacted me to warn me:
Ok, just want to warn you that it’s an “adult” show with swearing and the last category is usually Sex lol – I saw that you were a church group and I don’t want anyone to be offended just in case.
For so long the church’s posture with sex was to keep it at arm’s length. “Sure, sex is a thing that married people can do and enjoy. But otherwise, don’t touch it. And even if you do, don’t talk about it.” I even think it’s been fairly understood amongst a lot of “church people” for a while now that most folks in their twenties and thirties were having sex and that was fine as long as they pretended that they weren’t.
A culture where sex is hidden and never spoken of can lead to some very dangerous things. When nothing about sex is spoken of (other than, “don’t do it”), we’re not having open conversations about what healthy sex looks like. We’re not able to articulate with one another and our children what it means to navigate boundaries, what it looks like to give and receive consent.
Folks, no matter what your relationship is with the church, no matter who you are, we’ve got to talk openly and honestly about sex. If you’re a private person, I’m not asking you to broadcast your sex life to the general public. I’m asking that we have good conversations about what healthy sex looks like. I’m asking that we have intentional time set apart to discuss consent. And I’m asking that we work hard to give our communities a narrative that replaces the narrative of shame that so many of us have adopted as our own when it comes to sex.